I always hear a lot of women complaining about their husbands or boyfriends because they don’t help out keeping the house neat and tidy. They are frustrated, complain a lot, hold grudges and sometimes can’t enjoy being together anymore. Well, there is a solution!
First of all, don’t expect your partner to have a magic touch. Most men don’t see the chaos and mess you see. And second, it’s all about communication! But, and this is pretty important, not the whining kind of communication. Just ask and explain.
Do you want your partner to bring the dishes to the kitchen? So you don’t have to see all those dirty dishes or coffee mugs standing all over the living room? Ask him! When you notice that he is walking to the kitchen, just say: “Oh honey? Could you take those mugs with you? You’re going that way anyway.” Make it practical.
Are you tired of all the dirty clothes laying around the bedroom? Put an extra laundry-basket near the closet. Ask him if he wants to put his dirty clothing in it, so you can both enjoy the space that’s left over when it’s not everywhere around the floor. The same for rubbish in the living room. Put down an extra garbage can where he makes most of the rubbish, so he doesn’t have to walk all the way to the kitchen. Make it easy!
Are you tired after a day of work? But do you get annoyed because you need to vacuum, do dishes and cook? Go do the dishes, start cooking, and ask him if he wants to vacuum in the mean time. Explain to him, that you both can enjoy a tidy living room and not have to do anything anymore after dinner. Also explain, that you had a busy day and that you feel tired, but also need to do the dishes and cook. That when he helps out by vacuuming, you get some time too rest too. Most men understand this, they also worked all day and want to rest.
The third thing that’s important, is to keep repeating. If you want him to bring the dishes to the kitchen himself, to learn a routine, you need to ask and ask and ask. In a nice way. But also, not too much. When you notice, that your partner walks to the kitchen after dinner every day, to perhaps make himself a cup of coffee, ask him everyday around that time, if he wants to take the dishes with him.
Be patient. Delegate. Accept that he does things differently. A man is no woman. Also, make room for “errors”. If he forgets, don’t start complaining immediately, just remind him or ask again the next day. And also important, thank him for helping out. Explain to him, how you feel when you’re not the only one tidying the room all day. Tell him that you like what he did, because now you also got some time left to just sit on the couch.
But of course, this doesn’t help every woman. Some men just think women are their personal housekeepers. Maybe you work less, so you get time to clean more. Some men can be very stubborn about this. For me it’s easy, when a man thinks that I am his personal housekeeper, he can move out and go back to his nurturing mother.