Adapting

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Losing a cat is never any fun, but Thomas made it obviously clear that she was ready to die and that I should let her go. Her epileptic attacks got worse again over the last month and during her last week she only wanted to be left alone, hiding in a dark corner. She didn’t want to sleep on my lap anymore and didn’t enjoy our cuddling sessions, which was weird because she was always very persistent to get on my lap whenever I was home. As hard as it was, I had to make THE decision. It was time to let her sleep forever…

Last Thursday I took her to the vet. When we lifted her out of the basket, she started to rub the corner of it with her nose. I haven’t seen her do that for over a week! Sure made letting her go more difficult, but it was also somehow reassuring. After the injection I took her on my lap for our last cuddling session. It didn’t take long for her to curl up in my lap and fall into her eternal sleep. No crazyness appeared. She just lay there as if she slept and looked rather pleased.

I took her home again for a few hours before I brought her to the pet crematory. A nice place actually, where I could (again) pay my last respects before I left her there. It was hard to stop crying that day. Somehow I felt guilty, but there was also a big relief (which I felt guilty about again).

Almost a week has past since our final cuddling session. Although I don’t keep looking for her every time I get in the room, I do feel rather lonely during the evenings. The relief has passed and I only feel incredibly sad every time I’m home. Even when one of my other cats curls up in my lap, I still feel empty inside. For the last five years she was always there to cuddle and now she isn’t anymore…